I am looking around the play room right now, I am not at my desk since it has been piled high with junk again, and see a big mess. I should be cleaning it up, I should be tiding up my desk as well. I am not. The reality is that I was not expecting this to be so intense. I have to spend the majority of my time watching him because he still will not tell me when he needs to go. And even though I have a pretty good idea as to when he will need to go he is only human and his bladder is not on a strict schedule so the potential for him to need to go before his typical time is still there. I am spending much more time with him than I have in a very long time. Before we would play some then I would do something, take 15 minutes to do stuff on the computer, prepare food, take a shower, etc. We had little breaks from each other all day. I would also sit at my desk sometimes while he played or watched a movie. He likes having me around but out of his way and that's fine. But this has forced me to be right here, in his face literally, all day. And bugging him to boot!
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| Percy undies, zhu zhu pets in a row, and his giraffe. |
I don't like asking him so often if he has to pee any more than he likes me asking, but it has to be done. It's part of what we are doing, part of what he has to learn. We were down to three diaper changes a day: one in the morning, one sometime mid day, and one right before bed time. These were quick and easy. Now we have to take several potty breaks, not all resulting in elimination. When it does result in elimination I have to clean him, and many times the area around him, and help him put his underwear on. Then go through the process of the stickers on the potty chart, more so now that we have more successes than accidents. It's good, but it's part of the process. Then clean out the potty and continue congratulating him and telling him how proud I am. A diaper change took maybe two minutes. This process, whether successful or not, can take up to 10 minutes. Multiply that by an average of 4-5 times a day. It's a lot of work.
Instead of cleaning up nightly like I used to I am down to cleaning up ever two nights. The mess doesn't bother me, it's the fact that I have no energy or desire to do it that does. I have to hand wash his underwear since we do not have a washer. Even though he has plenty of underwear that I could go several days without washing them I still need to do it nightly. For one, I rather have only a hand full (at most) of underwear to wash than a dozen or more. Secondly, he is using almost exclusively the Thomas underwear (7 total). Part of his reward is getting to choose a new pair of underwear. I usually make him loop through the same two or three in a day but even when he has no accidents he still wets his underwear from time to time which results in several needing to be washed at the end of the day. It's an easy task but tiring and time consuming so when I am done I just want to go to bed. To top it off I have been feeling incredibly ill the past three days. I am in constant pain and pain is exhausting too. So no, I will not clean up tonight. Hopefully tomorrow night.
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| Making silly faces, giraffe is in his hands. |
When I started this two weeks ago I knew it was going to be a long process. I had no expectations of having it done in three days. I am told that it could have been done that quickly but I get a feeling I would object to the methodology. Yes, this is taking a while and I am expecting this to take a while longer to get to a point where it is no longer so much work. I will be satisfied once I am confident that we can go out and he will pee somewhere else. I know accidents will continue to happen for a long time and he may not even answer 'yes' when I ask him if he needs to pee for months much less let me know himself when he needs to go.
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| Playing with legos in James undies, his crib aquarium providing music and his giraffe. |
Our relationship with each other has changed too. I don't know how much has to do with potty training and how much has to do with the new couch (which can sit both of us). We cuddle a whole lot more (and we already did a lot of cuddling) and he has fallen asleep several times sitting against me. He likes to come over and just sit and lay against me or sit on me. When he is sitting next to me he will lean his whole body on me and take my hand and put it on him. I do love this cuddly time. He also talks to me a whole lot more, probably because I'm here and keep asking him questions. He tells me things about his trains and his zhu zhu pets and puzzles and blocks and everything he does. I love watching him play. He talks the whole time and I have gotten to know his imagination. I love how he makes his trains interact with each other, the scenes from the videos that he plays out, and all the vocabulary he uses.
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| Watching tv in his Thomas undies with his giraffe. |
This process has also affected my health and overall well being. The first week was incredibly hot and I found myself dehydrating and not eating enough. It took a while for me to figure out how often he peed so that first week all I did was watch him while he was awake. He doesn't take a nap so all day all I did was watch him. I'd feed him and give him his drinks but all very quickly and wouldn't take care of myself. I am lucky and have a very supportive partner who has been reminding me all day to eat and drink. I have now figured out that I have a good two hours after he pees where I can relax a little, eat and drink, and shower. SHOWER! In this heat I want to shower a lot more often than I am. But during the day I am squeezing everything into these brief two hour periods. After he goes to bed I do more things and often end up too tired to want to jump in. The past couple of days I have been real ill so if I cannot get myself in the shower within the first hour after he pees, I can't really risk it. Showers have become one of those nice things that feel amazing when I can get them. If I can get him to pee more regularly once again (this whole holding it for so long is real stressful to me and my planning) then I can do it much more often again. And hopefully I'll feel better by tomorrow and have another month before I feel so shitty again.
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| More silly faces with his giraffe. |
Also affected is my relationship, which I did not anticipate. We had a routine/rhythm going and how I distributed myself between Nicholas and my partner had not changed in a long time. But Nicholas needs me more right now, he can't do this on his own. My partner is very supportive, but the stress from potty training spills over. I find myself feeling guilty about all the complaining I'm doing and all the listening support I am not. We've also had disagreements on how potty training should be handled and parenting in general which adds more stress. We're still adjusting but I think we're beginning to reach a new compromise that works for all of us.
Today, while we were sitting on the couch talking, I asked Nicholas if he was a big boy or a baby boy. He answered big boy. This broke my heart. I think he somehow new this because he stood up and climbed on me and gave me a big hug. He then took my face in his little hands and gave me a kiss on each cheek and said, "I love you."
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| Mommy still makes the best pillow! Fell asleep on me with his giraffe. |
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