When we decided we were going to pursue our relationship long term and eventually, when we figure out all the legalities, get married and live together, it was decided that Nicholas would call my partner Mom. While I am aware that a Brady Bunch type of family merger is unrealistic, I do not like the idea of kids living within the same household answering to different, specific parents. We are in this together, we are building a family together, and if we are going to do this we BOTH have to be parents. This whole 'it's not my kid therefore not my responsibility' does not fly with me. So she became Mom and it is what he has always called her (he didn't interact with her before then, I don't think he understood Skype at 2 years old).
They have been building their relationship for two years, through Skype, just like we have. And like all parent/child relationships, it has gone through many phases. At first he didn't get it, it was like a movie that spoke to him but he wouldn't respond. Then he started interacting and that lasted for a while. This was his "good boy" phase where he listened to everything he was told, which came in handy. Then he didn't want anything to do with her, which was hard because she's my back up eyes when I am not in the room. Slowly he began talking to her again and, after her visit in February, she is very much a part of his daily life. They talk and interact and it sounds like a normal parent/child relationship.
Their interactions aren't simple hellos, not by far. They hold conversation, he asks for her, and they argue over rules (she's the rule maker). And when she is not around, like when she has to go to the store or a family event, he asks for her. He says good morning to her if he wakes up before we leave and good night every night. If she is not there to say good night it turns into an ordeal. "Where is Mom? I need to say good night to Mom!" He comes up to the computer, of his own will, shows her things like new toys and tell her about things he is thinking of. It is not a forced interaction and there are times when he is upset over being sent to bed and does not want to say good night. I think of it as normal, he's not a big fan of me either when he I don't give him his way.
Mom also keeps an eye on him when I need to be away for a few minutes. When he was smaller she'd 'watch' him while I showered. This was during his 'good boy' stage where he listened to what he was told and because I could also hear them I knew if I had to bolt out of the shower ASAP or not. I never did have to but it was a nice reassurance. She also stays with him when I need to go put the laundry in the washer, switch the laundry from the washer to dryer, and go get the laundry. While it only takes a few minutes, community laundry rooms are unpredictable and sometimes it takes me longer. Knowing that if there is something that requires me to rush back ASAP I will get a text message is reassuring.
To Nicholas, Mom and Momma are NOT synonymous. We are two completely different people. I've seen people refer to me as Mom and Nicholas become very confused by this. I can only reassure him that I am Momma and his world is not being shattered. It may seem like an exaggeration but imagine if someone referred to your father as your mother. To you the difference is obvious. To Nicholas, the difference between us is just as obvious. We do not have the same name.
Hope this offers some help in understanding our situation and a glimpse into out lives. It may not be conventional, but it works and Nicholas seems to be doing fine with it.
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