Dear Niece: Baby Advice, Because I Haven't Given You Mine

Dear Niece,

Now that you are reaching the end of the waiting part of your parenting journey you have probably began receiving all sorts of parenting advice. Let me assure you of one thing: It will not end. Ever. Someone, somewhere, will always have some sort of advice to give you whether you ask for it or not, whether you want it or not. And since I don’t think I’ve done my fair share in the advice area, and because I think I am the best parent on this planet and therefore an expert on this parenting thing, let me give you the best advice you will ever get (/end sarcasm):

1. Ignore all advice. Seriously. Even if it sounds good, ignore it. Smile and say "thank you" and "I’ll try that," and move on. Let it simmer for a while. If it sounds crazy, discard it. If it sounds logical, look into it. Don’t just do it! Because a lot of times things sound logical but when put in practice you end up feeling like an idiot or, worse, feel like a failure because it didn’t turn out the way it was suppose to. Any parenting practice can be described in such a way that sounds FANTASTIC! Look into your heart and your ideals, discover the kind of parent you’d like to be. Does the advise align with your parenting paradigm? Don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right and don’t be bullied into doing anything that doesn’t feel right. Remember, someone thought this was a good idea but if you really think about it, if you don’t have a proper baby carrier you’re better off putting baby in the stroller that car seat is meant to click on to. Trust your gut feeling, it’s there for a reason.
2. Seek advice. Ask those you trust for their opinions. Feel free to reject it if it doesn’t feel right but chances are it will at least give you a perspective. You can read online and read parenting books. There will be a million different things you can try but you’re not obligated to try them all. Pick what feels right, skip what doesn’t. This baby doesn’t come with a manual and no one else got a manual either. Everyone has to figure out how to do the parent thing in their own way and there is nothing wrong with saying, "I have no idea how to do this, how did you do it?"
3. Grow a tough skin. You’re a tough cookie but hormones and sleep depravation can make the best of us emotionally vulnerable. You will need a tough skin as you dodge the criticism. Yes, there will be criticism, guaranteed. Everyone, whether they have ever had a child or not, will have some sort of opinion on something you are doing and they will not all be positive. Someone, somewhere, will find fault with something you have done and they will make sure they tell you. I don’t know why this is how parents, especially new parents, are treated but it is. You just can’t win. Accept it and be confident in your choices. Critics will always be there but their opinion doesn’t matter.
   
   Everything is fair game when it comes to criticizing parenting. It’s not just the "big" ones like vaccines and breast feeding vs bottle feeding. The brand of diapers you use, the kind of stroller you buy, whether you use socks or not, if you stay at home or decide to go back to school/work, the detergent you use. There is something wrong with ALL them. The truth is that babies are individuals being raised by individuals so there is no one, universal "right" answer to most of the choices. So if your choice works for you and your baby then that is the right choice. It won’t work for everyone and someone will have a horror story to tell about how they tried what you are doing and it ended horribly.
4. It is ok to ask for help. You are not a bad parent or a failure for reaching out to someone you trust and saying "please, take my baby for two hours so I can sleep." There is nothing wrong with calling someone you trust and saying "my baby won’t stop crying and I don’t know else to do, please help me." Because only in today’s society do we falsely think that a child can be raised by one or two people alone. It takes a village and part of the reason for that is because there is likely someone in your village that has a trick or two you haven’t tried, that knows something you may not, that may be able to do something to make things easier for you. Reach out.
5. Forgive yourself. I know I’ve said this before but this, in my opinion, is mothers’ worst downfall. You will make mistakes. You will chose to do the wrong thing or buy the wrong item. It will be done with good intentions, even after you have done lots of research and have made a decision weighing in all the information you have. It will be done at 2 a.m. when you are tired and sleep deprived and baby is very wiggly. It’s ok. We all make mistakes. Most mistakes that mothers make are not really a big deal. If they were more children would be dying or experiencing severe accidents. It’s hard to have confidence when you don’t have any training but trust me when I say, you will be ok and your baby will be ok. So forgive yourself for the mistake and feel proud that you have learned something new.
6. "This too shall pass" is your new mantra. I know you’ve already heard it a lot and you will continue hearing it. And you won’t believe it. And you will wonder if something is wrong with your baby because this surely should have passed by now. But it does. One day they don’t wake up after 3 hours of sleep. One day they don’t cry when they step away. One day there isn’t any crying and only giggles and babbles. And you won’t even notice it because it will be such a welcomed change and new challenges will replace the old. It’s just kinda the way it works. And it’s ok to get frustrated because you just want to sleep or figure out why your baby won’t stop crying so that you can fix it. Take a deep breathe and remind yourself that it will pass, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
7. Take Pictures!! Lots of pictures. One of my biggest regrets of the first couple of months is that I didn’t take the time to take pictures. Smart phones weren’t the norm back then and my camera felt like an inconvenience in the chaos of it all. But we keep our phones within arms reach now so don’t hesitate to grab it and snap away. Remember that little baby. Because it sounds cliché but it is so very true: the are only little for a very short time. Cherish it, the coos and the explosive diapers, the milk comas and the sleepless nights. It’s over before you realize it.

the ugly judgement of society (w subtitles... share awayyy)
Posted by Nostril_Curl on Saturday, 4 July 2015