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| This has got to be my favourite mommy/baby duo. |
Dear Niece,
Happy Mother's Day!
As the excitement of a new baby in the family grows I can't help but remember what it was like for me 8 years ago when I was expecting my first at your same age. One thing I wished I would have had was a true list of what I was really going to need for my baby. Every company has their own list to suit their own agenda and pocket so I have decided to make you the most unbiased list of the most important things that you will truly need for your baby.
- Diapers. That baby will eat and soon after pee and poop. I do not know of a better or feasible alternative. You will need diapers. Cloth or disposable? How many? It's up to you. Do your research, ask around, think of the lifestyle you want to live. Make sure you know all the pros and cons to each option. And it's not an either/or decision! You can do both at the same time, too.
Everyone has a strong opinion and many people will make you feel like any decision other than theirs is wrong and will make your baby sick and make them score less on their SATs. The truth is that it doesn't matter. This is true about just about anything you will buy for your baby. At the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's cloth or disposable diapers, if you use breast milk or formula, if you use a crib or co-sleep. The list is endless. There is research to tell you that any one is better than the other but trust me, neither option alone will kill your baby. Don't let extremists make you feel bad about a decision. - Internet access. You don't need to have it in your home, but access on your phone or library is good enough. Because diapers will not be the only decision you will have to make and it won't be the only thing there are a million to chose from with a million opinions on it. You don't want to to get anything for your baby simply because it's cute or cheaper or because a celebrity mom chose it. You want to get what is best for your baby that is within your reach and that involves some level of research. That looks like an awesome carseat at an awesome price but how easy or difficult is it to instal? While it is true that all car seats that are sold in stores are safe, that doesn't mean they are all equally the best. Not all car seats fit well in all cars, for example. Car seats will be one of many things you will need to become an expert on in order to chose the best for you and your baby.
Baby gear will not be the only thing you will want to research. There are many parenting questions that come up and your baby will do something that seems totally weird and when you google it you will see it is normal. Or that maybe you should call your doctor. I know parents did just fine without the existence of the internet for thousands of years but I can't imagine trying to do it without it. - Car Seat. Since we're on the subject, you will definitely need a car seat. I'm sure you already know this one but it really isn't as simple as finding one that matches your car's interior. There are different kinds with different weight limits and different ways of using them. Does your car have an anchor system? Will you go for an infant or convertible one? If it's an infant seat, does it need a base? Is it optional, required, or none at all? Is it compatible with the stroller you're looking at? Is that even relevant to you? Did you know that car seats come with an expiration date? So many questions. Luckily there are plenty of resources!
Car-seat.org (and their fb page) is a great resource of not only what to look for in a seat but how to properly strap your baby in. Please don't be lazy in strapping in your most precious cargo, follow the safety rules every single time. Because I won't stop at simply sharing links with you, I love you both too much to be that complaisant. I will call you out and nag you until the end of time over this. Yes, I am a "car seat nazi." - A non-invasive thermometer. It used to be ear thermometers but these seem to be an outdated technology now. The new ones you simply put against your baby's forehead or scan them as if they have in invisible barcode on their forehead. It will happen, I guarantee, that your baby will be crying and you will suddenly notice that baby feels a little warm. And you will panic. Is this a fever? How bad? Will my baby start having seizures?? And baby will not cooperate with keeping the stick thermometer under the arm long enough for it to take a reading. And then you will question the reading because baby was squirming and maybe it moved out of place. And I certainly do not want to deal with putting anything in my child's rear end if it can be avoided.
With these thermometers you will get an answer in seconds. Most of the time baby is just too bundled up or hot from the exhaustion of crying. This will ease your mind in seconds and let you get back to figuring out your baby knowing that baby is not sick. And anything that replaces sticking something in your baby's butt is always a plus. - A digital camera. No, it doesn't have to be a several thousand dollar DSLR camera! Your phone's camera is good enough. We are so lucky to have access to this technology that it's a shame not to use it. The beginning will go by so fast, and I know you will hear this and read this everywhere, but it SO does! Because of the sleep deprivation and the complexities of learning each other, a lot of it will fade over time. You will remember a few things, some funny or scary moments. But details will fade. Taking pictures is a great way to capture those precious first facial expressions.
Take as many as you can! I have a mommy friend that challenged herself to take at least one picture of her baby every day during the first year. I wish I would have been able to do that but you certainly don't have to be so committed. Baby sleeping in your arms or snuggled looking up at you, these will be priceless. As you are enjoying these moments remember reach over once in a while to take a quick snap. Don't live with the camera attached to your hand but do keep it near by. And remember to back up your pictures often! - Mommy friends. Yes, these are necessities. Not just friends around your own age or first time moms. A good way to meet a lot of mommies is to join a birth club on one of the many websites like Baby Center. All the mommies on there will be expecting a baby around the same time you are so you will all be going through some of the same things. Many will have other children so they can give veteran advice on pregnancy, childbirth, baby, and just about everything else. These mommy friends have been so important in my journey as a mom. I have learned a lot from them and I have become very fond of their children and families and lives. And they've been there for me, too. By far, to me, this is an indispensable resource.
But be careful. Places like Baby Center are full of drama and I mean DRAMA! Keep relationships on there and as you get to know people better you can then draw them in to your personal circle like facebook. When you see the drama brewing just stay away. It was definitely yucky but I am so glad I stuck it out and kept the ones that I have. - People who love you. This will be the most important thing you will need for your baby. No one will ever love your baby the way that you do but someone who loves you will also love your baby and want what is best for both of you. They will be the ones willing to help you and be there for you when you need someone. They will offer to help you, take you food, hold your baby while you shower, and you can trust them to take your baby for an hour or two so that you can get some much needed sleep. They will do whatever you ask, that is reasonable, and not ask for anything in return. They won't judge you and put you down for your decisions or mistakes. This doesn't mean that we think daddy isn't doing these things for you! But, especially in the beginning, you will all be lacking sleep and learning to work this new person into your lives. As time goes on you will see that the extra love and help is quite needed.
Don't feel bad pulling away or cutting off people who are not helpful and loving in your new journey. Yes you will make mistakes, we all do, but no one should be belittling you because of it. This journey is too important to be weighted down by unnecessary negativity and drama. - Forgiveness for yourself. You will make mistakes and when you do you will feel like an idiot, you will curse at yourself, and you will apologise profusely to your baby. But forgive yourself for not tightening the top of the bottle correctly at 2am and spilling the contents all over your baby. Forgive yourself for not putting on that diaper correctly as you tried to stay awake resulting in an explosive disaster that upsets your baby. Forgive yourself for not knowing what is making your baby cry and not knowing how to comfort them. Because it happens. It's a learning process and all moms, new and veteran, make mistakes. We do what we feel is best for our babies and sometimes we find out the hard way that it wasn't the best. You can't live your life second-guessing every decision you make. So do your research, use your smarts, and know that the good decisions will outweigh the mistakes that will one day be funny stories of the past.
Congratulations on this new journey! Enjoy the trip and remember I am always available to you.
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