I Have Failed

Across the street from where I live there is a little house.  An older lady lives there with what appears to be her teenage son.  I sometimes see a girl but mostly just the mother and son.

Choosing To Help

One of my parenting principles is not requiring my child(ren) to help.  I believe that by teaching compassion they will WANT to help out of the goodness of their heart and not from a feeling of obligation.  As such, Nicholas doesn't have chores and he is not required to do anything that is for maintaining of a home.  What he is required to do are things that are done for sanitary or safety purposes, because that is something else I also have to teach.  So he throws his trash in the trash can and he puts his dirty clothes in the hamper and picks up his toys (because we can trip and fall over them).

NOV07 7.0 - "Nicholas"

WOW!  He is SEVEN years old and I am in disbelief!  It just doesn't feel like it has really been that many years.  He is now more than half my size and that still amazes me every time I notice.  Granted, I'm short so that's not very tall and he is still the shortest first grader in his school.  But still, DUDE!  Pretty soon he'll be my size, and that's not an exaggeration.  I am happy I have a growing child, my wallet is begging him to slow his growing.

On his birthday we went to Disneyland and we stayed late so that he could watch the fireworks.  He is now tall enough for a lot of the larger rides and he enjoys those.  On Sunday we had cake and pizza with grandma and parents.  This coming Saturday he will have his birthday party at his aunt's and finish off his birthday month celebration with Thanksgiving.

His 6th year was packed with all sorts of experiences and new things and changes.  Not all were good.  We have learned a lot this past year and grown a lot:

Great Days

I'm sitting on a bus, heading home from Target, and we've been stopped for about 15 minutes.  Why?  Someone spilled a drink and they have to clean it up due to a slip and fall hazard.

Nicholas sits next to me blabbering on as I scroll through facebook, casually thinking of our day.  Over all, it was good.  And I tell him so.

"Thank you for behaving today."

"You're welcome."

"I appreciate it when you behave."

"You forgive me for when I don't behave?"

"Of course!"

He understands things get difficult for the both of us when he can't quite behave, and I do try so hard to keep my cool and be understanding that he is not as in control as most his age. 
But it's not always that way.  Sometimes it's good.  Even great.  Today was great.  And I must keep reminding myself of this as I think of the impending supermarket trip that must take place this weekend.

Sometimes it's great.

Choosing Delayed Gratification!

I've been meaning to write this for two weeks now but just couldn't seem to find the time.  Or energy.  Honestly, it's been a bit warm and muggy, which is not what summer is usually like here, so I just want to veg out next to the AC.

Anyway, on to Nicholas.

We all love instant gratification, you do something and you get a reward.  But most people, I think, learn pretty young that there is also value in delayed gratification and that sometimes waiting just a little more is better and totally worth it.  I have seen that most of the other kids Nicholas' age began learning this at around 5-ish.  Not Nicholas.

The Story of Nicholas

Like most stories that are only told orally, there are many details that get left out in order to get the point across before the listener falls asleep.  But sometimes those details hold the most meaning, the most impact.

The story of Nicholas, how he came about, is not one of years of trying to conceive, there was no tragic event, nothing inspiring.  His story isn't about my pregnancy, though that's quite a story all on it's own, or even him specifically.  It's about something a doctor felt the need to mention.  And an outfit.

I Am Not A Father

Every year I get the same thing from various people and while I do understand and appreciate the sentiment, I find it a bit insulting.  As always, it's my personal opinion and to each their own.

A mother is a female and a father is a male.  To me, that is as far as the distinction goes.  To say a mother is special because she carried the child diminishes the role of females who have adopted children or who have willingly taken on the responsibility of a child not theirs.  To say a birth mother is more special than an adoptive mother or step mother is insulting at best.  And where does that leave the father?  Is a man less of a father because he does not share any genetic material with the child?

Keeping Afloat

I can't say I'm the most positive person around, my wife likes calling me a debbie downer.  It's funny because, despite her accusation, I make great efforts to stay positive and not dwell on myself.  But right now I need to vent a little.  Maybe a l not.  I'm only human, I have feelings and emotions and pains.

For the past two or three weeks... maybe a month, I've not been well and the only thing keeping me going forward is knowing it could be worse.  And it looks like life is on a mission to make that as painfully obvious as possible right now.  I have two friends that have lost husbands, one with a daughter the same age as Nicholas.  One friend who was in the hospital for almost a week due to strong contractions and, basically, premature labour.  She's only 26 weeks along and very young and scared.  Someone who miscarried at 30 weeks due to shitty doctors (not in the US, no possibility for suing).  I could go on with what is going on around me and I do feel for these people and I know full well their situations are far worse than mine.

But I still have mine.

The Grocery Store

I have been wanting to write this post for a while, put down in words what a typical outing is like with Nicholas.  It just never happens because it never seems quite right.  And then I saw this video.  So let me start with our experience.

This is what a typical trip to the grocery store looks like:

We walk in, the flower display is on the immediate right.  Yes, Nicholas, those are very pretty flowers.  No, we cannot buy any flowers.  Please let go of the flowers.  I walk away in hopes that he will follow.  Come on, Nicholas, stay with me.  He runs to the berries.  You can have one kind of berry.  You want raspberries?  But look, there aren't any raspberries.  You can have blueberries, strawberries, or black berries.  Are you sure you don't want any?  I grab blueberries anyway, he'll ask for them as soon as we're home.  Nicholas, please stop spinning.  Stay close to the cart.  No running Nicholas, please stay close.  Can you help me?  Get some cheese for me, the one in the purple bag.  The purple bag, Nicholas.  Close the door nicely.  Nicely... Nicholas, please don't slam any doors!  Come one Nicholas, lets go get milk.  Stop spinning, please stop spinning.  Watch where you're going, Nicholas.  Please look in the same direction your body is moving.  Keep your hands to yourself, you're going to knock something over.  Please stop spinning.  Nicholas, no running!  No we're not getting cake today.  Because we have some at home.  No running!  Stay next to the cart, here hold the box of sandwich bags.  Oh good, peace, we're almost done.  Nicholas, please don't open that.  Here, can you put it in the cart?  Thank you for helping!  Please stop spinning.  Look!  You hit someone!  Can you apologise for hitting them?  See, this is why I say no spinning.  Keep up Nicholas....

To All The Educators Who Encouraged Me

To all the teachers, teacher's aids, counsellors, principles, and tutors who encouraged me to do well in school; the ones that told me I needed to graduate high school and go to college, the ones that told me not to settle for community college but to get a bachelor's degree, the ones that warned me that not doing so would lead me to a job at McDonald's or Walmart that I would never be able to leave or properly live off of or have a happy and fulfilling life with:

I hope you, and those like you, never talk to my son.

Trip To The Aquarium

A couple of weeks ago the Aquarium was having a special promotion for spring break: opened late and arrivals after 5PM were $15.  Since I work until 5, and walking distance from the Aquarium, this was a perfect opportunity for us to go.  Nicholas seems to really like it and has been asking to go back since.  We may consider annual passes in the future.

A lorikeet (there must be a reason for these birds at the aquarium,
I have just yet to figure it out)

The Homeless

*warning: very long*

Timing is everything and maybe this is a sign.

On Saturday we went to have a late lunch/dinner at a fast food place and not far from us was a homeless man just sitting, minding his own business.  He wasn't bothering anyone and I didn't smell anything when I walked passed him (I have a very sensitive nose) so I didn't find him bothersome.  It was a really hot day and he was probably just trying to stay cool.  He asked a couple of people, maybe 3, if they had spare change after they took time to give him a look longer than the normal split second.  One lady offered to buy him a burger, which he accepted.  A young man, probably older teen, was selling chocolate for some religious something or other.  I don't know what possessed him to go ask the obviously homeless man if he would buy a chocolate bar for his cause.  The man replied with, "If I had any money on me I'd buy the whole box."  They talked a little and the young man with the chocolates gave him a postcard with information to some sort of shelter or group home or something sponsored by his charity and a chocolate bar.

Is He Just Bad?

I don't like to introduce my child, either in person or in conversation, by stating he is autistic.  I feel that it is only one part of who he is and does not need to be mentioned any more than his obsession with Legos or trains need to be mentioned.  But just like Legos and trains, it does come up sometimes.  And when it does I have often been asked if I am sure he is autistic, could he just be bad.

This is where I take a deep breath and remind myself that I am a civilised human being.  In my mind the answer goes something like this:

I Blew His Mind Away

The other day my son was sitting at my desk, next to the kitchen, as I was preparing him a sandwich.  He began singing a song about the months of the year that I remember singing in Kindergarten so I joined him.  His little eyes lit up and we sang the rest of the song together.  When we were done he asked me how I knew the song and I told him that I used to sing it in Kindergarten too.

Autism Awareness

Apparently today is Autism Awareness Day?  At least according to our office manager, who also has an autistic son.  And apparently you are also suppose to wear blue in support of autism awareness and everyone got the memo except me because I’m just suppose to somehow know all there is to know in regards to activism and autism.

Unsolicited Advice

Part of being a parent is getting unsolicited advice.  I have come to accept that and, as a parent, I have several responses that I use for such advice:

“Oh, that sounds interesting. I’ll look into it.”

“Thanks, but that doesn’t really align with my parenting style.”

And an oldie, but works:

“Thanks...”

Pictures of Nicholas

When Nicholas was born we used to take him to Kiddie Kandids every month to get monthly, professional pictures of him.  Our goal was to get yearly pictures after that.  Well, things didn't quite work out and my next experience at a photo studio (Target) was a pretty bad one.  It has always been really hard for him to focus and follow directions and look where you are trying to get him to look.  We now know why but at the time it just felt like studio pictures were out of the question.  Ever since then I have wanted to hire a professional photographer to take pictures of him outdoors, where he is the most comfortable and the most himself.  With the wedding in December we hired a photographer to do some engagement/family photos as well as the ceremony.  They got some amazing pictures of him!  Here are some of my favourites:

Back! Again...

Back in November I had written a rather lengthy post but did not publish it because it was late and I wanted to give it one more read through for grammar and what not.  Well, life happened and I never went back to it.  In retrospect, it seems senseless now and I may tell that story at a later date or in a series of posts later on.  Life has happened and so lets get caught up.